Your Degree Does Not Define You
In December 2020 my first rotation of grad school had ended and I began to reflect on my experience. Overall, I was happy and grateful to be at a PhD program at one of my dream schools. Although I made some good friends who helped me feel connected to my cohort even during “Zoom University”, there had already been some challenges to overcome and the restrictions due to COVID didn’t make anything easier. Being a student and a lab member is different during a pandemic, but despite this understanding I started overthinking things and overanalyzing myself.
I started feeling lost because I didn’t know which lab rotation l would commit to, or what I wanted to do with a PhD afterwards. The path of five to six years started to feel aimlessly long. This started a spiral because if I didn't know what I was doing now, then was I even supposed to be doing this? If I was already having challenges during my first quarter, was I not cut out to be in STEM? During my time as an undergrad I became comfortable with having my degree be part of who I was. This was partly because I was comfortable with where I was and I was very focused on getting my degree. However, once I got my degree and became a biologist, I closed a chapter of my life and immediately started another one in academia. I started processing and experiencing some imposter syndrome that told me I wasn’t good enough to be getting a PhD because I had only been focused on getting my degree and getting into grad school. However, now my path now is a bit more unclear.
These feelings of doubt and imposter syndrome were bubbling inside of me for most of my winter break. It felt frustrating because I was aware that it was completely self-inflicted anxiety. Ultimately, what helped me gain true perspective was talking it out with a couple friends and family members. I was reminded that just because I am a biologist getting her PhD and running a science blog, it doesn’t mean I am only capable of science related things. I want to make a note of the fact that deep down, I knew this, but hearing my support system say it is truly therapeutic for me .
Don’t get me wrong, I love science and really think I would be uninspired if I were in a different field, but I think it’s unhealthy to tie your entire identity to your field of study. I am a scientist, but I’m also a daughter, a sister, a friend, a girlfriend. I enjoy yoga, hiking, taking care of my plants, making trips to Trader Joe’s, and sometimes experimenting in the kitchen.
Everyone is different and enjoys different hobbies but work and school become one in grad school (because you are now paid to work in lab and to TA), the work/life balance becomes trickier than ever. You need to make sure you still make time for the things that make you happy, whether it's a form of art, exercise, or maybe calling a friend. Ultimately, you are more than your degree so you should make time for all the other things that bring you joy.
It’s also so important to realize that getting a PhD is hard. It sounds simple, but it’s true! The sooner you come to terms with that, the more peace you’ll have with the process. This is the highest degree there is. It doesn’t get harder than this. You are supposed to struggle and overcome, but you can do it! Plus, no one starts a PhD knowing how to juggle everything on their plate... it takes time. Surround yourself with supportive people that can be there for you when you face obstacles - even those you create due to overthinking.
